It’s Saturday night, I am home sitting with a glass of vodka, watching The Dark Knight sitting alone in my living room and thinking that’s it’s the best movie ever with the best villain ever, Joker. Yes, that’s how I spend my Saturday night’s actually this is how I spend most of my weekends. Most of my friends maybe partying right now and so is that someone special, because he prefers to spend most of the weekends and weekdays with his friends, yup that’s true. Can anyone believe it? I don’t think I look that bad, do I ? Lol!
Well, recently I have come to a conclusion that no one loves me, all the people around me want me in their life is because they want something from me. Is it just me who feels like that or is this the normal human behavior, are we humans so selfish? Is that the only reason why we want someone in our life irrespective of the fact whether we like or love them or even appreciate the fact that they exists? Not just existence but we conveniently ignore the fact that they have feelings too. Because lately someone’s behavior towards me is making me feel like that. Even my parents and family want something out of me, I have stopped feeling the love from everyone. I have always mentioned this in my earlier posts as well, that why cant we ever appreciate or value someone we have in our life, why do we end up taking each other for granted all the time? Is it that we feel that the other person will never go anywhere and will bare everything? Is this the reason why start taking everything for granted? Because if that’s the case then we should also remember that the other person has his/her limit of tolerance. Why wait till the last minute for the person to explode? We all need to think about this, even me because the truth is even I am not perfect. I have lots of flaws, won’t deny that I don’t.
I have been wanting to go somewhere, to some part of the country alone for sometime, not to go away from everywhere, but to find myself. I just feel there’s a lot of noise around me, where ever I go, whatever I do, due to which I am just getting away from myself. I miss the quietness where all I could hear was my own thoughts. Hopefully it happens soon. Just two days back I asked my BFF for a therapist’s number. I told her that I need to see a shrink, actually need to see someone who will just listen to me talk, won’t comment or judge till I am done talking. Guess there’s no harm in trying a therapist since we live in a stressful society, our lives are filled with stress relating to any matter. We do require someplace or someone where we can vent all out and share our emotions. Anyways.
Yesterday received a sad news from my uncle, I lost my Aunt in USA, my mom’s brother’s wife. It was really sad the way she passed away and she wasnt even 50 years. She was hospitalised since a week and with multiple organ failure. She was always full of energy, full of smile and laughter, full of happiness no matter what ever the situation was. I can only remember her smiling face. She lived her life on her own terms and lived it to the fullest. A lady with a strong personality. She has a 18 years old son and I very well know how it feels to lose a parent. My uncle and she got divorced just two years back, but obviously he is pretty bumped too. Just sometime back when I was talking to my mother, we both could only recall how nice she was, she did have flaws too, who doesn’t, but she was a nice human being. When my grand mom, my mother’s mom in Punjab, heard the news she started crying all she said was that my aunt was a good human being. My aunt would call my grand mom and talk for hours. My granny was found of her. Whenever we spoke to her or visited my uncle and her in the US she would treat us like her own child and would always call us beta (means a child in hindi). She has two more siblings, a sister who is elder and a younger brother. She would blast music in her car and always wanted we all should dance. That’s one memory I will always remember, a funny one though. It’s sad to know that she won’t be physically present but she will always remain in thoughts and in our memories. Feel bad for her old parents and her siblings. She always taught all the kids to live life on our own terms. I will always miss her and will always love her! May she rest in peace !
Well I think this is life, like we say, we never care for someone till the time they are with us, it’s only when they leave us we understand their importance. I don’t remember when was the last time I spoke to her, and today I feel I should have stayed in touch with her because now no matter how much ever I will try, will never get to talk to her.
I pray she is happy wherever she is today!
God Bless Her!