Like the rest of the world even I got up reading about Robin Williams today. I just couldn’t believe it and to be frank I am still a bit shocked. Such a fine actor, amazing sense of humor, what a loss to hollywood. I still remember seeing Jumanji as being a kid the first time on a flight back home from our yearly family vacations and then my mother bringing us the video cassette to see the entire movie. Who can forget Mrs. Doubtfire. Genie you are finally free.
I kept reading tweets and statements of hollywood celebrities, after that have no doubt that he was an amazing man and an amazing personality. Just till few months back I would watch his repeat telecast of TV series called The Crazy Ones. It’s just sad to know about his demise.
Who could imagine a person who would make everyone laugh, king of comedy suffered from depression. Such an irony! Life is an irony. But somewhere it’s true as well, people who are sad from within are the ones to always have a smile on their faces. Smile and laughter becomes their cover up and a weapon so no one can ever know what they truly feel. They always hide their problems with a smile on their face.
Even I am one of them. I remember always telling my ex that I am an entertainer and always like to entertain people and make them smile especially when he would be in a horrible mood. I would try to make him smile by talking any non sense. And to this his answer would be “those who entertain and want to make others smile are always the ones to end up being alone and unhappy in life.” which is so true. Initially he would like then slowly the same habit started to annoy him. Like Robin Williams even I am today alone and unhappy and trying to end my suffering taking the help of chanting. I have always liked to smile even during a tough situation. And this has been my weapon. On the other hand whenever my ex would feel sad and depressed, it was evident, he would make everyone know by his actions and behavior. But for me even today no matter how broken I am from inside I still smile. Just last week I had a whole plan to end my life as well, leaving just a note behind. Then I met my buddhist members and thought this is not me, this is not how I would want to go from this world, just for one person no way. I haven’t got over the thought completely but keeping myself away from taking that step. It’s a conscious effort, you need to remind your self of this beautiful life every single time when you get a thought of doing something like that. It’s tough but not impossible. I never ended my life after the passing away of my father and my fiancé then I wouldn’t do it just because a relationship ended.
I don’t think what Robin Williams did was selfish. If when people leave you or break up with you or go separate ways for their own reasons and hurt their loved ones while they are alive is not selfish for some people then what Robin Williams did is also not selfish. Committing suicide requires a strong heart. It’s the most difficult step that people take and it requires a lot of courage as well. Last year my step dad’s nephew took this step by jumping in front of a running train and he was not even 22 years old. He was facing depression and was the only child of his parents.
With every day passing by I have realized that it’s even more tougher to face life, to face all the problems and not to give up. To still have faith and hope that life will one day become better. To keep faith in God, to keep faith in my own self and to know that one day things are going to get amazing. I could feel the environment around me change couple of days back in a positive way, which is keeping me together. Even though broken, I am still holding my head high. And for sure one day I will be the happiest person on this earth.
RIP Robin Williams!