Today August 18 is my late dad s birthday and I have been missing him a lot. Day before yesterday at night even dreamt about him that he’s back and is making everything alright. I guess it’s because I kept thinking about him too much before falling asleep and it’s been so long haven’t seen him. And maybe things are really changing for the good. And maybe he is making things alright from heaven as well. Dream is such an amazing place, that’s one place where I can see him and be with him. While me and my ex were breaking up, he said that I am over my dad, that was such an insensitive sentence made by him inspite of knowing that I am not and never be. He has been my inspiration and my strength. It’s been more than 17 years and I miss him more and more with every single day passing by.
Last week I happened to see my ex s car with him inside. It’s been two weeks since the break up and it was the worst break up one can ever imagine. If we wouldn’t have broken up tomorrow the 19 of August we would have completed one year together again. Well it was very hurtful, the words spoken and his actions and all the messages started running in my head all over again and hurting me again. That is the time I decided I don’t want to stay in this country anymore. Because staying in the same city means we are going to cross each other’s path in future as well. Though I have been very strong this time to sticking onto my decision but somewhere I am still a bit weak from inside. Since that night I have been thinking how can I get out of this place. I am done with this place and today for some reason I thought about my aunt (my mom’s sister). In between when I had been to Punjab , she told me that she has someone in Australia who would help her to settle there, helping her with a job and accommodation. Suddenly I thought about her and asked her if it’s possible for me as well.
I have been to Australia once for a trip, and I really like that country. If I have to start my life all over again then why not try it some place new, some place with new people, with new environment. I am not strategising anything because I don’t even know whether it will work out so not getting my hopes too high. But then I thought what’s the harm in trying. I am ready to work hard because whatever you do in life required a lot of hard work, it could be at work or at home. Life is hard and it’s not easy. Plus I have nothing to lose, all I will gain is a mental peace that atleast I tried. I am leaving it upto God and my Gohonzon (object of devotion in Nichiren Daishonin’s Buddhism) and trying to go according to the flow. I have left everything on Gohonzon knowing that whatever it will decide it’s going to be the best for me. I am just chanting and praying for my future to be amazing knowing that I didn’t hurt anyone at all all these years.
I remember one of my childhood friend telling me that I am a nice person and good things happen to good people. I am just being positive that the best is yet to come and it will.
Happy Birthday Papa! Hope you are happy wherever you are. I know for sure you are our angel protecting us from everything. Bless us always ! Love you a lot !