This is what I like about photographs..
They are proof that once, even if just for a heartbeat, everything was perfect..
Lately, I have been feeling a bit lonely all over again.. I miss being in the woods, I miss my trip spent at the most beautiful place with the most amazing person.. I miss talking a lot, I miss finding myself, I miss the laughter, I miss the happiness. I miss it.. I miss each and everything about it.. I wish I had never come back.. I wish the trip had never got over.. But sadly it did.
Today again I’m sharing a poem, something that I feel.
Whenever the clouds of sadness came over,
When tears filled up my eyelids,
When the scars of the wounds didnt heal,
When I could see no light..
When my lonely heart had no one beside,
And when the shadow of the sorrow waved in..
I told my heart,
Why do you cry ?
It happens with everyone.
So, why do you cry ?
Don’t give up hope,
Because there’s always a light at the end of a dark tunnel..
So, why do you cry ?
Why do you cry ?
Have an amazing weekday ! And belated Happy 4th of July everyone!
We all deserve happiness, we all deserve the best in life. So yes, I know for sure that I will receive my share of happiness soon. Just recently I learnt that my ex has already moved on, he’s already seeing someone else. And I sit here and write about him so often. Life can’t be so cruel to me, because I did no wrong to anyone. I know for sure that my share of happiness is just around the corner.
I haven’t given up on love, because love is something that I believe in a lot. You can love anyone, even your self. My practise has thought me to never give up, which I believe in a lot. I now don’t get affected with lot of things in life like I used to earlier , and that’s all thanks to my practise. Lately I am putting in a lot of my time on my niece who is 8 days old. I make it a point to spend as much time as possible with her and meet her almost everyday. Children are such a blessing. They make you forget all the stress and problems in your life. Just looking at their faces, hearing to the noises that they make are more than enough to zone out from the world. I love her so much already and have become possessive too. Lol. I wonder how will I be with my kids if I have ever have.
It’s my birthday in 5 days , and I have no clue what I’m going to do. I might decide something over the weekend..
Have a great weekend everyone !
On June 5th, a little angel came into our lives.. She walked on her tiny feet, and filled our family with joy. My brother and his wife welcomed a little princess called Shaira, which means a princess and a poetess, making me an aunt. She’s the most adorable person I have ever met. Such a pure soul, such an innocent soul. I’m in love with her already. She looks like my her grand mom, i.e. my mom. Her cheeks are pink, like marshmallow. I have no idea where my day goes because I go to the hospital in the morning and then again in the evening. I have never fallen in love with someone so soon, but she is just out of the world. Well, right now I can’t share any of her pictures till atleast 40 days. But promise to share some pictures soon.
At the same time I miss my 1 and a half month long vacation. Where it was just me.. I wish I could turn back the time a little, I wish I could have spend more time with you. You made me understand how to become strong.
Well, at the moment I’m so happy and excited to finally know that an angel has walked into our lives. God Bless You Shaira. Your Aunt loves you a lot !
Have an amazing weekend everyone !
Since few days I have been pondering about one line that I read, which goes like “relationships never die a natural death. They are always murdered by attitude, behaviour, ego, hidden benefits and ignorance.” Well, I am not an expert on relationships considering my last relationship, but I think these lines make alot of sense.
Relationships are different types apart from that we share with our spouses throughout our life, some are a relationship of a mother daughter, of father daughter, friends, siblings, at work place with colleagues, with your boss and so on.. But what makes these make or break is all in the above line that I shared. Attitude becomes a major aspect in making or breaking a relationship. Different people have different attitudes, if someone’s attitude is nice then obviously your reaction is going to great too. But alot of time it doesn’t happen, it’s difficult to adjust, not everyone is easy to deal with.
Behaviour, again matters alot.. How does one treats you, behaves with you says alot about that person. I have come to realise that if the opposite person doesn’t respect you then he/she dont deserve you at all. The relationship with parents is totally different.
Ego most of the times becomes the 3rd person in a relationship. The minutes ego comes in between, be it any kind of relationship, the relationship is bound to go down the drain.. It’s a bitter truth. I have felt it.
I think we get into a relationship because most of the times we are scared of being lonely. We go to an extent that inspite of being humiliated and disrespected, we still be in that relationship, why? Because we fear to be lonely, hidden benefit. The minute we realise that it’s perfectly fine to be single and enjoy our freedom, then we welcome happiness in our lives. Like that every relationship directly or indirectly has a hidden benefit. Today, just sometime back I was encouraging someone that it’s fine to be single, you dont have to be answerable to anyone, you dont have to worry about anything, you can do anything you like. Dam! I just realised that this is too has a hidden benefit.. Lol!!
Last but not the least, ignorance. Ignorance is most common mistake we make in a relationship and this becomes the biggest weapon to destroy a relationship. Whenever one is ignored in any relationship, he/she starts losing self confidence in them, it just tears the relationship apart. I remember when I was reading biography on Steve Jobs, in that I read a line, which I cant remember exactly, that ignoring is the biggest crime in a relationship, which is so true. Ignoring your partner or kids or friends or work or siblings takes a negative toll on the other, the person starts to feel isolated and feels that he/she aren’t worthy enough to deserve your time or attention. Well, unfortunately this happened to me with my ex, I was completed ignored, sometimes for days at a stretch.. I did feel not worthy enough, lost my confidence and went into a shell, I stopped sharing things with him, and our relationship had come to a dead end.
I think what’s important for all of us to remember is that, it takes ages to build a relationship and a second to break it. A relationship is like a seed that we plant in our life, we have to nuture it, water it, feed it, give it proper sunlight for the roots to be strong so that the result will be a huge tree with green leaves which will bear beautiful flowers and fruits. If we dont do all of this, the plant wont survive at all. It will wither away in few days. Relationships are similar, we need to take care, if we dont it will break or die within few days. In the end the choice is ours!
Finally I am back home, I reached few days back though I never wanted this vacation to get over ever. I was out for over a month and a half. It was full of soul searching, adventure, fun and meeting new people in life. Even the person whom I met on this trip, has returned back.. I think it was time that this person and I returned to our respective countries. The bond of friendship was strong, and hope it remains the same. It’s not everyday that you get to meet such people with whom you feel connected so easily and so soon.
Well, since the time I have come back, I got busy with my Soka Gakkai activities. We had our Soka Gakkai founding day on May 3 and since I am one of the block leaders, I was the incharge of the cultural this time along with 4 other leaders. This was the first time I was given a responsibility of something so big. Obviously initially I didnt know how to go about it, but then suddenly it hit me that I am the whole and soul of this group. First we had some 15 members wanting to be a part of the dance. By the D day, the final count was 17 members, and I had to choreograph the entire dance and teach the others.
Dancing has been my favourite hobby since childhood and I have learnt western forms of dances too, like salsa, jive and jazz. Salsa and Jive I learnt for around 4-5 months, it’s during this time I had met my ex 6 years back. And Jazz was for around 1 year. I have also learnt bollywood dancing, though I dont require it. lol 😀
Being the YWD (Young Women Division member) I realised that the responsibility lied on me.. We put few bollywood songs together into a medley and ended it with a Gakkai song. We performed a fan dance on the Gakkai song. The meeting was on May 3 itself, it went good and so did our dance. Everyone loved it especially the fan dance.
I learnt alot during the rehearsals, especially one thing that was pointed out by one of the cultural incharge. Which was that I am a nice person, but people take advantage of my niceness. Being nice is my strength and a weakness too. When we had this discussion, I realised that he’s right, people do take advantage of me being nice towards them. I think this is one thing I need to work on, I should be nice to a person as long as the boundary isn’t crossed, also at the same time I shouldn’t come as a rude or an arrogant person. There’s a thin line between these two and I am glad it was pointed out. How do I get a balance is what I need to decide. That’s the only reason why I end up hurt all the time..Because I have seen one thing that unhappy are those who are genuinely nice people.. Because this world doesn’t understand nor deserve something nice.
My sudden plan of going on such a long vacation was that once again I was taken for granted in February end by someone who was once very close (my ex). Why? Just because I have always been nice towards him. There was so much of anger in me, this was in a way an act of retaliation. If you try to push the spring, it will always springs back, bounce back, hurting someone or the other.
Anyways, the bottom line is that I had an amazing holiday, met some great people. I guess that’s all that should matter.
My younger brother and his wife are expecting and the due is this month end. So, myself along with 3 of her childhood friends hosted a baby shower for her on May 2. We called her friends and cousins. I had sent out invites and was taking care of the give aways. The 2nd one was taking care of the decor, the other of food and the 4th one of games. We included my brother in it too and asked him to get the cake. So, yeah we divided the work among ourselves and it became easier for us to manage everything. It was a high tea baby shower and dress code was pink and blue, including the decor and the give aways. Due to my rehearsals I didnt get much time to put alot of thought into the gifts, but yet I managed to find small milk bottles filled with candies inside. And along with that I gave small baskets of chocolates. I picked up 2 different colors which were again pink and blue. It was a nice baby shower and surprisingly everything went smoothly.
Have an amazing week everyone!
My silence is not my weakness.. It’s the beginning of my strength and it simply means that I dont find somethings important anymore.
This line has been running in my head since more than a week now. Doesn’t it give one a sense of achievement that finally you are not bothered with what people do? It does to me and it has only been possible because of my chanting.
Lately, I found myself being taken granted all over again by a person who was and is close to me. For me, after what I have gone through these 2 and a half years, it felt like deja vu and I am sure for all it’s not a great feeling at all. This person has always taken me for granted for the past 2 and a half years, and two weeks back it was the same. Why is it that when you have someone or something, we forget to value and appreciate them or it? It’s only when faith decides to take it away is when we realise it’s importance. I have asked this question way too many on my previous posts and trust me I always fail to get answers.
This time when I was taken granted for I simply did not allow it to affect me in anyway, I plan to move on. Move on to a better life, I realised that sitting and thinking about all these things is not going to give me anything, it’s better to not let this thing bother me at all. Which is not easy, but it is not impossible. It’s all about your dignity and self respect and no one else is responsible for it but we ourselves.
On March 1, I attended a study training course which was held by SGI Study Department Chief, who visited India from Japan, it was the first time that something like was held in Mumbai. The course was attended by 2500 leaders and I was one of them, including around 500 outstation guests from South and other cities of West India. From Mumbai we were around 2050 leaders, which was amazing. After listening to the study chief talk in Japanese, my friend and I decided to learn Japanese. I thought it would become easier to understand and feel more connected to the practice because Nichiren Daishonin was born in Japan. I am really looking forward to learn a new language, since I also plan to visit Japan soon. 🙂
Well that’s all for now. Will write soon! 🙂
Hope you all have a wonderful week!
Belated Happy Women’s Day to all the wonderful ladies! 🙂
Even today I stand at the window,
With a hope to see you standing down..
Even today I wake up at 4-5 am to see my phone,
With a hope to see your name on the screen..
Even today I can feel your breath,
Which makes me think you are just around..
Even today I remember the October of 5 years back,
All the memories are still fresh..
Even today I keep thinking about how you might be,
Because that’s all I have done..
Even today you are a part of me,
Which is the toughest part..
Even today I stand at the window,
With a hope to see you standing down..
Is it true that when you stop trying to fix things, like a relation, you actually find happiness and freedom? I was trying to sleep and this line kept running in my head, I just couldn’t stop thinking about it at all. I am a big follower of Grey’s Anatomy and have been following the season 11 online.
The other day I watched the episode 5 where Callie and Arizona break up. The episode starts with them visiting a couple counselor to make their relationship work, and are asked to stay separate from each other inspite of staying in the same house. Separate rooms under one roof for 30 days without even talking to each other. Initially Callie is against it and is forced into accepting the decision in order to save her marriage. She breaks down the first day itself and talks to Arizona, who is strong headed and doesn’t utter a word. Somehow they manage to finish their 30 days and in the end Callie, who opposed this throughout, who always kept trying to save her marriage, who always kept fixing things, is the one calls it quits. Yes, somehow Callie realized in these 30 days that all this while she was suffocated in the marriage and was no longer herself. She wanted a break permanently in their marriage and no longer wanted to spend all of her time trying to fix something that she believed was broken already for far too long. She wanted to be happy again and didn’t envision that happening with Arizona. This episode ended with a line, “But no matter how hard we try, we have to realize, somethings can never be fixed”.
Once I finished seeing this episode, I had a smile on my face, especially after hearing the last line. A smile because I could see me and my ex in these two characters. I was the one who kept trying to fix our relationship all the time, which seemed like he didn’t want to. The day we broke up, I obviously stopped trying to fix something, all I had to do was think about myself, my happiness, my likes and my dislikes, and not what he wanted. For the first time I feel free, and trust me the taste of freedom is amazing. I have been in a relationship for like 15 years of my life, yes. First with my late fiancé and then it was my ex. All these years I never had the time to think about myself. And today, it’s all about me.
I could very well relate to a fictional character of Callie. Even that day after watching the episode, I slept with this thought, that I am free.
Being in a relationship is amazing, it’s a totally different experience, but when you are with the right person, situations always change, everyone has to go through some rough days and some happy days. During happy days, everything is great, even the relationship with your partner is great, but it is during the rough days the relationship is tested. Even I had great days with my ex, but when the tough days were bigger than our relationship. We couldn’t sustain, we tried making the relationship work twice but we failed. There’s no doubt my ex was a great guy once, but circumstances have changed him a lot now. It has changed me as well.
What I realized after the episode is happiness is important, there’s nothing wrong in thinking about my happiness. When I am happy I can keep others happy. Happiness for others and ourselves is equally important.
Have an amazing week everyone !!
Is it true ? Is karma really the sweetest revenge ? I just met my best friends over dessert sometime ago and while chatting about the struggles, the pain of life, all I kept thinking in the back of my head that karma is the sweetest revenge. I believe in it, I also believe that what goes around come around. There are some those dont realise it especially when they break all the limits while hurting the other person but it’s true even such people are going to face the same at some point in their life.
How can I be so sure about karma ? Because I have gone through it, like I had mentioned in my post recently, I did hurt someone 5 years in some way and two months back I went through almost the same situation in which I was hurt. It all came back to me. And I am also sure that the person who caused me immense pain is going to go through the same pain in his life. It’s not that you pray for it but it’s the fact of life.
After practicing Nichiren Daishonin’s Buddhism I have become a very stronger believer in karma, not that I doubted it earlier but after coming to practice lot of aspects of life are becoming clear as I grow in faith and in the practice.
Today for our zadankai, we had selected the concept “voluntarily assuming the appropriate karma” and I was like always a part of the study group at the last minute. I took up the relationship karma, there are various other karmas people are born with like health, financial, career, and so on. Since my leaders knew about my recent break up and the passing of my father and fiancé, I thought it would be appropriate to choose the relationship karma. Relationship karma can be with anyone, it could be problems with parents, or spouse or sibling or one’s boss at work, any kind of relationship. The study says that we voluntarily have taken a vow that we will be born with this karma long long long time ago. And with the pattern that I see in my relationships with everyone, I don’t doubt that I did make a vow. The only way to get rid of it is to face the karma in the present life and not giving up. And when I look back, everytime I fell down on my face, I have always stood up and moved on with a smile on my face. I have never given up, which is a very tough thing to do.
We also spoke during the meeting that we all are born with certain set of people and we share the similar karmas. It could be similar to our parents karma or similar to our siblings. Either we choose our parents with similar karma or our parents select us, which also has taken place many many centuries ago. So many times you will see you sharing a similar karma either with your parents or someone from the family.
So, yes I do believe that karma is the sweetest revenge, I also believe that it’s a silent revenge. And no matter how hard one tries, they have to go through it in their lifetime.
That is why, it is important to be good with other, have good thoughts about others, let your actions be good towards others and never hurt anyone, because karma does exist and you will never know when it will knock on your door.
Hope you all had a wonderful weekend !!